The Memory of You Keeps Me Awake at Night
by mystique-yami
Summary: Oneshot. Set in early season 1, Sam has nightmares every night of Jessica's death. Dean's worried and comforts Sam.


**The memory of you keeps me awake at night.**

_Drip. Drip._

Her face contorted in pain. A silent scream.

_Help me Sam. Save me._

The flames engulf her, then work their way across the ceiling and down the walls, consuming everything in its path. A strong hand grabs me on the shoulder, pulling me away to safety. Tugging me. Shaking me. Pulling me back to the waking world.

I look around, frantic, unsure. _Where am I?_ Eyes fall to the hand on his shoulder, a silver ring gleaming under the passing headlights._Dean_.

"You okay Sammy?"

He sends a quick worried glance at me before turning his attention back to the road, hand still on my shoulder like it's my anchor to the real world, away from the nightmares.

"I'm fine," a barely audible whisper, but I know Dean hears it. His eyes dart back to me, not believing me one bit.

"You sure?" he asks, concern clearly present in his voice.

"Yeah."

He shoots me another glance before he brings his hand back to the steering wheel, once again focusing on the road. The place on my shoulder feels cold and some how empty, just like the rest of me.

I turn my head away from him and watch the last of the lights pass you by. I'm feeling sleepy again, but I can't bear to see her die again. Don't want to answer his questions. _Just stay awake._

I start to nod off; head falling forward like my neck can no longer support it. I snap back up, shaking off the sleepy feeling. His eyes dart over to me, clear concern all over his face. I miss it as I look out the window and try to focus on something other than the tug of sleep at the edge of my mind.

An exit sign pops out of the dark, reflecting the bright lights of the Impala and suddenly we're on the exit. I glance over at him, wondering where he's going because this wasn't the exit we needed to take to get to wherever it was we were going. Can't remember; so _tired_.

He can feel my eyes on him and says something about sleep and me not driving his baby or something. The tug of sleep is getting stronger, so I mumble an 'Okay' before turning back to the window.

Didn't even realize I had fallen asleep until the sound of the Impala's door slamming jolts me awake.

I hear the crunch of gravel and look up to see Dean walking back to the car. He's walking towards the trunk, grabs the bags of clothes and walks towards the room. I get out and follow him inside.

I don't really look at the room, don't need to. All I want to do is sleep. And at the same time, I don't. Don't need that nightmare again tonight. But the bed looks inviting, it's like it's calling out my name. _Sammy. Sammy._

"Sammy, did you hear me?"

I spin around to look at my brother; a little too fast though and I end up wobbling a little before hastily sitting on the bed to correct my mistake.

"You okay?"

He reaches out and places a hand on my shoulder, just like he did earlier. He brushes his thumb along my shoulder, it feels good, soothing. I close my eyes and sigh.

"Hm, just tired s'all," I mumble out.

He looks at me sceptically.

"Alright. Well get some sleep Sammy."

He gently squeezes my shoulder before he does something he hasn't done in years. He ruffles my hair affectionately and flashes a small smile before he heads off to the bathroom.

I sit there, shocked, for a moment, before the pressing tug of sleep is pulling again. I slip into clothes that pass for pyjamas and burrow under the covers.

Sleep comes quickly.

_Strawberries. Her hair always smelled of strawberries. She loved them and every week she would buy a quart. Her pretty pink lips would wrap around the juicy red berry as she ate it, teasing Sam on purpose. She would smile sweetly in between each one, all innocent like._

_Jessica smiles sweetly and suddenly her face is contorted in pain and she's up on the ceiling._

_Blood. Flames._

_Help me. Save me Sam._

_Jessica!_

Something's holding me back, preventing me from saving her. I struggle against this force, calling out for her, trying to save her. I swing an arm, hitting my unseen assailant in the jaw. I hear a groan.

"Hey! Sammy, it's me. Sammy calm down."

_That's Dean's voice._ I stop struggling and realize Dean has his arms around me, trying to keep me calm. He's the one I was fighting against. It's then I notice the tears streaming down my face and my laboured breathing. I slump into Dean's chest, exhausted.

He pulls me close, tucking my head underneath his chin. One arm wraps around me, the other cradles my head, and Dean's thumb strokes my cheek.

I whisper "I'm sorry" into his neck, lips lightly ghosting over him. I expect some smart-ass remark, but it doesn't come.

"It's okay Sammy," he murmurs into my hair. "It was about Jessica again, wasn't it?"

Tensing up, I grab at Dean's shirt, holding tight. I nod yes, tightly closing my eyes as I feel the tears start to fall again. A choked sob makes its way through my throat.

"Shhh. I'm here Sammy," he soothes into my hair, his hand now rubbing the back of my head.

He shifts and gently makes me lay back down in my bed. He makes a move to go back to his bed, but stops at the slight whimper that I can't believe came from me. Embarrassed, I roll away from him and curl up into a ball.

The bed shifts, and I feel Dean snuggle up behind me. His arm drapes over my chest and he pulls me close. I snuggle against Dean and feel totally relaxed.

"Thanks Dean," I mumble out as sleep takes me over.

"Night Sammy," he mumbles back.

I catch part of it, but sleep has its hold on me.

My dreams?_ Candy canes and lollipops._


End file.
